Risking it...

Today I made the decision to risk it all and let my feelings about something be known, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I don't know why I wait until the last minute to do things like this, but I do. Every time I have done this is hasn't ended up the way I wanted it to and then I get hurt, but not this time. I'm not going to let myself be hurt by whatever comes of this. I am in charge of my emotions and I choose to just be relieved and happy with whatever happens because that's what was supposed to happen. I have to trust that this is the right thing for me right now. I know that even though I don't like the outcome sometimes, this is just another twist to my road in life. So for now... I'm just happy with the fact that I chose to speak up and not hide how I feel anymore. Life is too short to wait around and hope that something happens... I choose to take the initiative and not wait, but have a little say in where my road leads me. Some things in life are tought to hear, but I know that through that pain I will grow from it and it is just another experience that forms me as a person. I still pray for the outcome that I want deep down inside and who knows, it may end up that way! If it does end up the way I hope it will... well, it will scare the crap out of me. Sometimes I wonder why I even want this in my life... I have seen three too many divorces in my life and have been cheated on in every relationship I have had. But it is still something I want in my life and I know that if I hold up my end of the deal and be trustworthy, honest, genuine, and faithful then someday I'll find someone who can do the same for me. It's a battle worth fighting for in my opinion. In the end it's always the same and I can't plan life, it just happens. I have to be ready for whatever comes my way and know that I have to accept it as it is and try to find the silver lining. Every experience I have had is a lesson and sometimes I learn from it, sometimes I don't. I just know deep in my heart that it's always worth it to try your all and risk your heart for things that you want in life. I know what I want for my life and even if it means that my heart hurts and I wasted a thousand dollars trying to get it, I know I tried and have no regrets.