Something's in the water!

I swear there there must be something in the water lately, everyone I know seems to be pregnant!  Everywhere I look these days there are pregnant women and babies!!!! And normally this wouldn't bother me, but there is a huge part of me right now that so badly wants a baby too... and unless something crazy happens I don't think I'll be having one anytime soon. Maybe I should just adopt?! I'm hoping this phase will stop in a bit and I can peacefully wait it out until it's my turn... but for right now, I'm jealous! Despite the bouts of jealousy,  I am super happy for all of my friends. What an incredibly exciting time it is for them! I hope they cherish every moment and I can't wait to meet their new little bundles of joy.

Who knew?!

So it turns out that getting one's thyroid under control isn't as easy as I thought! I have been on the new hormone replacement for two months now. I kind of figured that having surgery would mess it up a bit, but has no idea how bad it would be. I just found out today that I went from having an underactive one to being overactive. It makes sense now that I think about it... I haven't really been doing anything because of the surgery, but I have dropped 8 pounds out of nowhere. Too bad having an overactive one makes you very anxious and insanely tired all of the time! I'm on a new dose for the next two months and then I'm tested AGAIN to see if that works out. I am so ready to have this all figured out.... although I am digging the random weight loss :)

Golden

I absolutely adore the lyrics for this song... My Morning Jacket is amazing. I had the opportunity to see them live this past summer and it was one of the best shows that I have been to! This song just makes me happy.

Watchin' a stretch of road, miles of light explode.
Driftin' off a thing i'd never done before
Watchin' a crowd roll in. out go the lights it begins.
A feelin' in my bones i never felt before...
Mmm... people always told me. that bars are dark and lonely
And talk is often cheap and filled with air.
Sure sometimes they thrill me
But nothin' could ever chill me.
Like the way they make the time just disappear
Feelin' you are here again. hot on my skin again.
Feelin good a thing i'd never known before
What does it mean to feel?
Millions of dreams come real
A feelin' in my soul i'd never felt before... mmm...
And you always told me.
No matter how long it holds me if it falls apart
Or makes us millonaires. you'll be right here forever.
We'll go thru this thing together
And on heaven's golden shore we'll lay our heads

5 weeks

I'm in my last week of recovery. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. I feel like I just had surgery. My scar looks great now, and it's almost fully healed. I actually love having scars because they each tell a little story. I have two huge ones and I love them! One is obviously from the surgery, but I have another one on my left calf. One day in Uganda I got on a motorcycle the wrong way and got a third degree burn out of it...  The crazy part is if you look at it one way it's a heart and the other way it's shaped like Africa... so awesome!
  I still have a lot of swelling from surgery, but everyone keeps telling me that I look a lot smaller. I still feel like I look the same because I see myself everyday, so I'm really looking forward to a few months from now when I will really be able to see the difference. It is still so crazy to me that I had a canteloupe sized tumor and didn't even know it up until two months ago. Life is insane sometimes, but I love it.

I also had blood work done today to get my thyroid back in order. Afterwards,  I went to the bookstore like I do every week and looked at some on thyroid problems. I had no idea that some of my weird symptoms were caused by the hormone imbalance. I have always had bad hearing with ringing in my ears.. it turns out that that is a symptom! It also causes changes in your voice which is why I sound like my little brother sometimes (not cute)! Soon this will all be under control and I can live a "normal" life... finally!! I am so stoked for my life from here on out! It took a lot to get here, but it was all worth it in the end.

The Holi Festival in India

Someday I will go to this festival to see it for myself!

This made me feel better today.

Blessed are the poor in spirit- contrary to what we would expect, brokenness is the pathway to blessing! There are no alternative routes; there are NO SHORT CUTS! The very thing we dread and see tempted to resist is actually the means to Gods greatest blessings in our lives.

-Nancy DeMoss

New

Everything about me is changing right now, so I decided to change my hair too! I went back to the color closest to my natural hair color. I dig it.

Week Three!

I'm in my third week of recovery and at times it doesn't even feel like I had major surgery.Then I sneeze and I remember it all!! Nothing is worse than a stupid little sneeze right now. I'm healing quicker than usual which is pretty rad. I am still really swollen but, even with the swelling my jeans that fit prior to surgery are too big now. My doctor said that I could have the swelling for a few more months which is not something I like, but that's life. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I have to stay positive through every hardship life throws at me. You can't let temporary discomfort and pain rule your life. I think that all of my positive thinking has helped me heal a lot faster. I even went back to yoga 2 1/2 weeks post op! I had to take is easy of course but, I noticed a huge difference with my spine. I could never rest my lower back on the mat because it was so curved. For the first time in 10 or more years, I could rest my entire back on the mat. That was so huge for me! I can't wait to be fully healed and really see what I can do with my new body. I fully plan on pushing myself to new limits.

 I want to be the best me that I can be and that includes mentally and physically. I finally feel ready to put myself out there and date if the opportunity presents itself. I was into the idea before, but now that I look back I wasn't mentally ready to do anything like that. When you have things wrong with you that no one can explain it really takes a toll on you mentally. This year has been eye opening and every health issue I have had has been fixed. I don't know what it's like to go through a day without pain. I'm really looking forward to a month from now... I won't have the pain anymore and I will be a whole new person. Through all of this ordeal, I have really started to love who I am. I don't think I could have said that before but, I can now with confidence. I am proud of who I am and can't wait to share that with someone... For now I'll just be patient and see what this next year has in store for me. As of right now it looks like health, happiness, and TRAVEL!!

So weird.

It's amazing what a difference it makes to not eat things you are allergic to and to get your thyroid under control. I had no idea my face used to look this chubby! haha So happy this face is a thing of the past.

UGH!!!

I'm incredibly frustrated with everything today...  When I would get angry as a child I would run up to my room and turn my radio to clasical music. Music always helps me in every situation. I can't go a day without listening to music for at least half of it. So for right now, I'm sitting in my room listening to my favorite songs trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be upset.

Miss this too...

Nkumisinga Africa

I am missing Africa so much right now..... I miss holding all of my kids and having them call me mommy. I miss the smell of the dirt and rain. I miss walking down dirt roads all day. I miss coming home and washing the day off of my feet. I miss sitting with my feet in the Nile. I miss doing art with my kids and teaching them that it's okay to be unique.  I miss the simplicity of life in Africa. I miss all of this!

Love...

My best friend just gave me the BBC Classics, The Jane Austen Collection for Christmas! I think I might be one of the only people I know that adores anything Jane Austen. I have always thought that I should have lived during that time period rather than now. Some say I have an old soul... I just love the strong women in Austen's stories; women who don't quite fit in with the norm and stand out. These women don't settle for a man in their life because he can make her's more comfortable... they want love and money doesn't matter.I personally want to have a career and be able to support myself before marriage.  I have always strived to be like these women. I don't want to be like everyone else out there.  I'm the only me in this world, so I might as well not be like anyone else. I guess loving Jane Austen's stories is a step in the right direction... I have yet to meet a friend who shares my love for all of this. They all think I'm a little strange haha!